I AM working on myself. I promise.

I have always noticed (and been told) that I am a very outspoken person. I say things that are private when I shouldn't. I say things that are rude or gossipy or distressed sounding just to start a conversation. I don't do these things knowingly, it's all subconscious. And almost every time hindsight kicks in almost immediately and I say to myself, "now, should I have said that?" or "how else could I have put that?"

Today, I was really shaken by how what I say can hurt people.

But please let me go back. My sophomore year of high school I wrote a story about the school's Domino's pizza delivery guy. He delivered over 500 pizzas to North high school every day every week until he was fired. And he was fired because of the story about him that I published in our school newspaper. In it, in a very small paragraph, it maybe said something like "I don't really like being a pizza delivery guy."

When one of your sources is the owner of all of the Bloomington Domino's, it is 100% guaranteed that he is going to read that and maybe, just maybe, not like hearing about how his best delivery guy is saving up money to go to school and get out of Dominos. That man was fired from his job. Just moved to bloomington, just got a great job that paid well, and I ruined it.

Well, a couple days I let slip to our boss that Raynor doesn't care for his job. Sometimes it's hard to remember that Chasity is our boss. Especially when it's 10 o'clock at night, you're driving with the windows down and radio blasting chasing deer and bunnies down the road. Needless to say, she brought it up with Raynor, who then politely told me to watch what I say and to leave that kind of information for him to disclose himself.

It really hit me (hard) how horrible it is when I don't censor what comes out of my mouth. I never thought that I would jeopardize someone's job (like that) again. Not only did I jeopardize someone's job, i did it to my boyfriend! I had to excuse myself from the counter at work to go calm myself down because it upset me so much.

Please know that I am working on it. If I've ever done this to you (said something hurtful, rude, private, etc) please forgive me. It eats at me that I am like this. And if you have any advice for me, throw it at me! Luckily, I have a very understanding boyfriend and I can promise that I won't ever do that again.